Becoming You
by Edward the spiderqueen
Summary: Yoh thinks that he and Hao are not the same at all. Hao thinks otherwise.


FF-Shaman King

By: ryougabriellucile

Title: Becoming You

Song fic: Figure 0.9 by Linkin Park

A/N: Okay, this has been sitting in my notebook for awhile, I actually wrote it all in one day. Not sure if it's going to be a one shot or a story.

warning: actually, pretty tame for me. there might be language, I forget. hint of twincest, if you squint really hard ren and yoh action too.

disclaimer: if I owned shaman king hao would have won the shaman tournament and made yoh and ren his love slaves for eternity with me there to video tape it all. so no, I don't own it. sigh

* * *

He was surrounded by flames. They brushed against his skin, caressing his face like a lover. It should have burned but it didn't, like the fire didn't want to hurt him. The fire brushed against his cheek almost lovingly and he whimpered closing his eyes. 

"If you want it to stop all you have to do is command it to," a voice said. He recognized the voice and his eyes flew open in surprise. The fire was gone and he was in a black void. There was nothing there, no sky, no ground, just blackness in all directions. Then out of the darkness a mirror appeared. The figure looking back wasn't his and he gasped.

"I didn't think you had it in you, Yoh," Hao said.

_Nothing ever stops all these thoughts_

_And the pain attached to them_

_Sometimes I wonder why this is happening_

_It's like nothing I can do will distract me when_

_I think of how I shot myself in the back again_

"Killing me, I mean."

"No, I didn't! I just…" Yoh stammered. Hao laughed.

"You thought it would end with my death Yoh, but guess what? I'm not dead. So long as the Asakura line, you, lives I will never die."

He laughed again and the mirror shattered. Yoh found himself running down an endless forest path. He had to escape the fire, it was right behind him roaring, devouring everything in it's path.

"You can't escape me Yoh, you are me. You can't run from yourself." Hao's maniacal laughter echoed around him as Yoh tripped over a fallen branch. The fire caught up with him. It was consuming him, killing him and all he could do was scream as he burned.

"Nooo!"

Yoh sat up from his bed panting. Sweat beaded on his forehead yet he was shivering. He clutched the covers to his bare chest but knew it wasn't from the cold. He looked around the darkened room and tried to calm down.

'_cause from the infinite words I can say_

_I put all the pain you gave to me on display_

_But didn't realize instead of setting it free I_

_Took what I hated and made it a part of me_

Yoh lay back down and tried to go back to sleep but it wasn't working. The darkness only added fuel to his imagination and his doubts.

Was Hao right? Were they the same? He shook his head; of course not. Hao killed people, wanted to destroy the human race, hurt his friends. Yoh had stopped him and saved everyone.

'By killing your own brother?' a voice in the back of his mind whispered. 'Your twin is dead by your own hand for the sake of a bunch of worthless humans.'

Yoh covered his eyes and tried to block out the voice but it only became stonger.

'You always say killing is wrong no matter what. Do you really believe murdering your own brother is justifiable? Do you? He's right, you are the same.'

_And now_

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be right here_

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be my fear_

_I can't separate myself from_

_What I've done_

_Giving up a part of me_

_I've let myself become you_

"No! I'm not Hao! I'm not!" Yoh whispered.

"Who are you trying to convince, Yoh? Me or yourself?"

Yoh uncovered his eyes and stared in horror. Across the room his own reflection smirked back at him in the mirror hanging on the wall.

"This can't be real," Yoh gasped.

"You think you're still dreaming?" the mirror asked in Hao's voice. "I'll prove myself then."

Yoh started to get up from the bed, but he wasn't the one controlling his body. Against his will Yoh's body took him from the bed and across the room until he was standing before the mirror. It was tall enough that it showed his entire body. The mirror Yoh smiled and before his eyes started to change. His hair grew longer until it hung to his waist. His pajama pants which had oranges on them now had started.

"You look better this way," Hao said looking Yoh up and down. Yoh looked down at himself; his own hair had grown out and he was wearing the same pants.

"This isn't real," he mumbled falling to his knees, "I'm not you, I'm not-"

"Yet. Face it Yoh, you've become more like me everyday. Remember?"

Unwillingly a memory swam to the surface of Yoh's mind. It was a few months after the shaman fight. Yoh was pretending to be fine just as he'd been doing ever since he killed Hao. He and his friends had been walking around town sort of window shopping and just having fun. They'd walked to the front of a store that sold electronics. All of the TV's in the window were turned to the same news station where and anchor woman was reporting on the newest tragedy.

"-broke out in the reserve consuming everything in it's path. Dozens of unsuspecting campers have been killed and the blaze still hasn't been sufficiently contained-"

"How awful!" Pirika exclaimed.

"Yeah, that seems like something Hao would enjoy seeing," Horo agreed. "Right, Yoh?"

"Yoh?"

Yoh had turned his back to his friends.

"Stupid! You mentioned you-know-who!" Pirika scolded her brother. Ren put his hand on Yoh's shoulder and Yoh couldn't hold it any longer. He burst out laughing almost insanely. His friends were horrified.

"Yoh!" Anna exclaimed.

She slapped him. Everyone held their breath as Yoh slowly turned his head and glared at her, but she didn't back down.

"How dare you laugh at those peoples' suffering? You're acting like your bastard brother Hao!"

Slap!

No one moved as Anna froze, her face turned and a big read mark on her cheek to match Yoh's. Said shaman stared at what he'd done with a look of satisfaction on his face that slowly faded and turned to horror.

"Yoh…" Ren started but Yoh didn't seem to hear him as he turned and ran. Ran from his friends, from what he'd done, ran from himself.

Yoh looked at the mirror with wide eyes. "Hao…"

_Hearing your name _

_The memories come back again_

_I remember when it started happening_

_I'd see you in every thought I had and then_

_The thoughts slowly found words attached to them._

Other memories came to him as he knelt on the floor. After that he started pushing his friends away and one by one they left him. Ren held on the longest. In fact, he was the only one that still called.

"I didn't mean to-" Yoh started but was interrupted.

"Of course not, just like you didn't mean to kill me," Hao said. Yoh almost didn't hear him, he was remembering all the fights, insults,arguments he'd gotten into with his friends. And now here he was only a year later; alone.

_And I knew as they escaped away I was_

_Committing myself to them and everyday_

_I regret saying those things 'cause now I see_

_That I took what I hated and made it a part of me_

"Get out of my head!"

_It never goes away_

_Never goes away_

"I can't. You can't get out of your own head."

Yoh hit the mirror as hard as he could and it shattered sending glass shards everywhere. But Hao was still there. The elder twin took a step forward and kneeled in front of the younger on one knee. He raised his hand to caress Yoh's cheek.

"Don't fight me, Yoh," he breathed, "Don't fight yourself." Yoh, after a moment of getting over the shock of Hao stepping out of the mirror, tried to hit his hand away. His hand passed right through Hao's wrist as if it weren't there. Hao ignored him and continued.

"You enjoyed killing me." He put a finger on Yoh's lips before the teen could protest. "Don't try to tell me otherwise, I read your mind remember? There was regret but there was also that joy that comes with finally defeating your enemy. I know, I've felt it too."

"No," Yoh tried to say and shook his head. Hao smiled indulgently at him like you would a small child.

"You could have that feeling again, Yoh, just accept that we're the same."

_And now you've become a part of me_

_You'll always be right here_

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be my fear_

_I can't separte_

_Myself from what I've done_

_Giving up a part of me_

_I've let myself become you_

Yoh continued to shake his head. They weren't the same at all. Hao was a murderer! Yoh had killed him only to protect his loved ones.

"I'm not you!" Yoh yelled angrily.

_Get away from _

_Me_

_Give me my space back you gotta just_

_Go_

_Everything comes down to memories of _

_You_

_I've kept it in but now I'm letting you_

_Know_

_I've let you go_

_Get away from me_

Hao's eyes hardened. Without warning he grabbed yoh's face roughly and pressed their lips together. Yoh screamed as he saw Hao being absorbed into his body. It was exactly like the shaman fight only reversed. He felt himself, strangely, becoming whole, as if a piece of himself had been missing until now.

When he opened his eyes, which he hadn't realized he'd closed, Hao was gone.

'Not quite,' Hao's voice said, 'I'm right here, we can finally finish this.' Yoh smiled and got up, moving toward the window. With a thought he summoned the Spirit of Fire.

"Come on Spirit of Fire," he said, "we've some business to finish." He laughed and they vanished in a swirl of flames.

_And now_

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be right here_

_You've become a part of me_

_You'll always be my fear_

_I can't separate _

_Myself from what I've done_

_Giving up a part of me_

_I've let myself become you_

_I've let myself become you_

_I've let myself become_

_Lost inside these thoughts of you_

_Giving up a part of me_

_I've let myself become you_


End file.
